White Queen Takes Black Knight

This is Clyde's latest essay:



Please note:

I am not Clyde Lewis. This essay is posted here with his permission for wider availability. If you post a comment here, he will not receive it. Comments can be sent to him at clyde@groundzeromedia.org.

New Article by Clyde Lewis

Clyde's back to writing again! Here's his latest:

The Great Obamanation

Comments may be sent to clyde@groundzeromedia.org

Collective singular noun!

14 U.S. Troops Die in Iraq Copter Crash

No, fourteen US troops did NOT die in a helicopter crash. Fourteen INDIVIDUALS died in a helicopter crash. "Troop" is a fucking COLLECTIVE. SINGULAR. NOUN. One person is not a "troop"! No! NO! Fourteen "military members", "soldiers", "Marines", "sailors", or "airmen". NOT TROOPS! STOP IT! STOPPITNOW!

The proper response to "fourteen troops died in a helicopter crash" is: "How many were in each troop?" Well, actually, a more fitting response might be "Why the fuck were they still over there to get into the helicopter to die?" but let's not digress.

I have no idea why this matters so much to me. Perhaps it's because "troops" is such a cutesy word. Boy Scouts are in "troops". Someone is a good sport, and lets you pile work upon them, they're a "real trooper". Too bad "trooper" means a state patrolman already. Well, there was "Starship Troopers", but even with the movie (or because of it), "troopers" never caught on.

Or perhaps it's because "troops" has become a trigger word for certain ersatz emotions TheyTM would like to elicit in us. If you're going to (try to) manipulate my mind, I insist you do so using correct grammar. Whatever it is you're trying to accomplish, you knock me right back into jarring reality when you say that. Knock off your lazy yellow-journalistic shorthand and write properly.

Hey, fringe -- lay off the panic button

This article has spread across the fringe-o-sphere like the "brushfire" of its metaphoric headline:

Stock Market Brushfire; Will there be a run on the banks?

NO, dammit. Not right now. It's too early.

Not unless you keep cranking that siren. Are you TRYING to cause a run on the banks, with your panic scenarios?

Yes. You are.

You'd love it if the stock market crashed and all your dire predictions came true. You and your guns and your gold could crouch in the tall grass around your fortified homes and shiver with grim satisfaction.

But that's just me, I guess.

Look, sometimes I dwell in that world, too. Anyone who reads this blog -- all two of you -- know that. Some of the philosophy makes a lot of sense. Your scenario is one of the ones that may come true. But the world may go in a different direction than the one you predict. Have you taken steps to adapt to more than one? Or does it just have to be yours?

Do you want it so bad you've got to make it true? Is "I told you so" that important? You people try so hard to make Ed and Elaine Brown, two incredibly insignificant people on whom, till now, I've been striving not to waste words, into a libertarian cause celebre, and your new Waco keeps NOT HAPPENING, doesn't it? I'm expecting one of you to start plinking at the police cars after a while just to relieve your tension by starting the festivities.

Yeah, I know, the mainstream media participated in the panic campaign too. Seems to me that's the exact reason why you SHOULDN'T have.

I'm tired of hearing about how Ron Paul is the only one who can save America. He can't save America because he is NOT going to be president. You are wasting your time and money. Whether he should be president, or would make a good president, is beside the point. It's not going to happen. Yeah, yeah, people like me are part of the problem, aren't we? Naysayers. All my fault. Mm-hmm.

I used to be impressed by Ron Paul. That ended the day he announced his candidacy for president. Anyone who craves that job is not someone who should have that job.

Presidents, up till the current one, didn't have as much power as people thought. Now Bush has changed that with his abuse of executive privilege and his anointing of himself as dictator in the event of a national emergency. And that's the position the next president will inherit. Are they going to reverse these decisions, take power away from themselves? Hell, no. People who crave power are incapable of giving it up once they have it.

In 2008, I am voting for None Of The Above.

Last Monday at Ground Zero Lounge (see video below), someone demanded of Clyde Lewis that he declare his support for a candidate. He wouldn't accept hearing what Clyde wanted in a candidate; he wanted a NAME. And when he didn't get it, he accused Clyde of evading the question. How can you answer a question that has no answer, except with a lie?

I don't know about Clyde, but no one is making me vote for someone on the list just because the list is there. I don't want to hear any more crap about how everyone who voted for Nader or for anyone else but Gore or Kerry, actually voted for Bush. It's people like that who perpetuate the two-party system. The system that even Ron Paul is now feeding into. Perhaps -- in an alternate but similar universe in which I still supported presidential candidates -- I might have supported Ron Paul as an independent. But when he declared a Republican candidacy, he killed any faith I might have had in him.

Write someone in, you say. You have to vote for SOMEONE. No, I don't have to vote for anyone. I don't have to vote at all. Clyde and his friend on the video can say cute-ass things like "I'm writing in Satan", but I don't play that game. I don't have to buy into the farce that voting has become. I vote on issues. I vote on representatives, even though I no longer believe they represent me. In fact, I'm thinking of forgoing voting for any PERSON at all, for any office.

Yeah, I'm part of the problem, right? No, I'm part of YOUR problem. I'm someone who thinks for myself, instead of throwing in with a bunch of people who claim to think for themselves and then vote for a man who has sold out like the rest of them, and gloat about it among their clique. Wasn't that what Libertarians were supposed to be against?

This started out being about the stock market, didn't it? How I do digress.

Ground Zero articles of interest:



If this video doesn't work for you, try this link, or go to video.google.com and search 8-13-07 clyde lewis.

Y Kant Reporters Rite?

Senate Again Blocks Fairness Doctrine Ban

I truly hate it when I read things like "blocks a ban", because some people have to draw a flowchart to figure out whether they've voted for or against something.

This article tries to spell it out for the 'tards:

More senators wanted to consider fairness than didn't, according to last night's 49 to 48 vote, but an attempt by Sen. Norm Coleman, R-Minn., to get the ban added to a higher education measure failed to get the 60 votes needed for consideration.

Wait, what? This paragraph actually says that the senators rejected the ban because they didn't want the ban. Seriously. Read it carefully.

And that's the whole point: no one reads these things carefully, no one reports them carefully, so no one votes for them carefully. That goes for Congress as well as the public. Sooner or later, enough negatives will be chasing their own tails that someone's agenda is going to get slipped in sideways *coughcoughpatriotactcough*.

In a related aside, have liberals not noticed that, if the conservative stations start having to allow liberal viewpoints, the liberal stations have to allow conservative viewpoints, too?

Just sayin'.

Cirque du Terreur

A most intriguing choice of adjectives:

Secret Document: U.S. Fears Terror 'Spectacular' Planned

We've gotten "secret", "fear", "terror" -- all triggers -- along with the jarringly incongruous "spectacular", all in one headline! Cue "Entrance of the Gladiators"!

(Yes, you know "Entrance of the Gladiators." Think "circus". Hear that music? That's it.)

One question: Why has it always got to be about US?

US, the pronoun. Perhaps it's no accident that "United States" is abbreviated that way. When you go to the article (yes, I do suggest you RTFA), look at the some of the Related Articles: "U.S. Told About Glasgow Threat 2 Weeks Ago." "Heavy Weapons Teams at U.S. Airports." "U.S. Reacts to London Bombs."

You know what the U.S. is reacting to London bombs with? Jealousy. The United States thinks it is the most important thing in the universe. How dare the terrorists concentrate on Britain? It can't be because Britain is, like, important or anything. It's got to be a warm-up for attacking US. You guys might have a few exploding cars, but we're going to have a Spectacular Event! One wasn't enough! We need ATTENTION!

Our exploding cars will be full of CLOWNS!

More on (spelt "moron") regulating talk radio

Jimmy: Hey, Hil and Barb said they wanted oversight for talk radio! I'm telling!

Hil and Barb: Did not!

Jimmy: Did too!

Sean: Teacher! Hil and Barb told Jimmy they were gonna beat me up!

Al: Teacher, they're ALL lying!

Jimmy: I am NOT! Waaaahhh!

Diversity, my ass

REPORT: The Right Wing Domination Of Talk Radio And How To End It

whiiiinnne......

Two common myths are frequently offered to explain the imbalance of talk radio: 1) the 1987 repeal of the Fairness Doctrine (which required broadcasters to devote airtime to contrasting views), and 2) simple consumer demand. Each of these fails to adequately explain the root cause of the problem.

Our conclusion is that the gap between conservative and progressive talk radio is the result of multiple structural problems in the U.S. regulatory system, particularly the complete breakdown of the public trustee concept of broadcast, the elimination of clear public interest requirements for broadcasting, and the relaxation of ownership rules including the requirement of local participation in management. […]

Ultimately, these results suggest that increasing ownership diversity, both in terms of the race/ethnicity and gender of owners, as well as the number of independent local owners, will lead to more diverse programming, more choices for listeners, and more owners who are responsive to their local communities and serve the public interest.

Full report from Center for American Progress

Basically, what the report proposes is that the government enforce "diversity", as though they didn't interfere enough in radio broadcasting. When will some of these people figure out (never) that you can't legislate away your problems?

You know how to get more liberals/progressives/whatever on the radio?

Find people with TALENT.

Air America's lineup consists of talk hosts who drone about the injustices of the Republican government and how everything would work out if more people would just vote Democrat. And that is all. That's all they talk about. They all sound like each other. They all have the same guests. And a lot of them weren't in radio at all until Air America was formed, and they aren't very good at it.

I enjoy listening to conservative talk radio far more than I do its liberal counterpart. These hosts express views I disagree with by presenting a wide variety of subjects, taking calls with opposing views in addition to concurring ones, and exposing their own idiocy in ways that are vastly amusing.

What's the fun in listening to someone who agrees with you all the time?

Not that conservative listeners don't behave the same way, of course. The Portland, Oregon-based Lars Larson show features a local windbag who expounds upon the reprehensible actions of the city and state governments as well as national issues. It's so funny to hear people call up and say "Right on, Lars!" They sound similar to Rush Limbaugh's "dittoheads". I know a guy who loves that show. I asked him why, and he said, "Because it keeps me up on what the government is doing to me." All I have to say is, if you need constant updates about how you're being screwed, whatever they're doing to you isn't affecting your life enough for you to notice it yourself, so why make yourself upset?

Because you like listening to people who agree with you all the time.

Michael Savage, on the other hand, hates Bush and liberals, and he's completely batshit. He sings songs. He stops and tells you what he made for dinner. Then he talks about people he saw the other day who "looked like illegal immigrants", exposing his racism and ignorance. Finally, he delivers an intelligent rant, and then spoils it all by saying something completely stupid at the end. THe content is constantly changing.

He's FUN.

Diversity.

Know your enemy! Spy on the opposing camp! Open your mind, for gods' sake! Be stimulated! Get off your goddamned cell phone, on which you're talking to people who also agree with you, and listen to both liberals and conservatives. Sample the zeitgeist of the whole country. Become truly informed.


And let me digress upon the term "progressive". Liberals are now "progressives", suggesting, I suppose, that conservatives are "regressive" or "static" or something.

When someone says they're a "progressive", it puts me in mind of a story that writer Neil Gaiman tells:

And he said, "What do you do?" I said, "I write comics." See, it was just like I’d said, "Oh, I am a part-time murderer" or some profession you don’t want to get involved with. [...] "What kind of comics do you write then?" "Well I write Sandman. I just did something called Signal to Noise…" "Hang on, hang on. Are you Neil Gaiman?" And I said yes. He said, "My dear fellow, you don’t write comics. You write graphic novels!" And I felt like a hooker who’s just been told she was the lady of the evening.

In other words: you're not fooling anyone, you know.

How about mauve?

Both parties plan green conventions

The interest in greening political conventions, from buying confetti made from recycled paper to purchasing carbon offsets to reduce the impact of greenhouse gas emissions, shows the increasing relevance to both parties of appealing to voters mindful of global warming.

Oh, give me a BREAK. If you want to reduce hot air emissions, cancel the goddamned conventions altogether.

(Yes, I know, that joke is trite. C'est la mort.)

Stick with the red, white and blue, guys.

Purchase carbon offsets? Bwahahaha! The emissions are happening NOW. Offsets take years to have any impact.

The point here, always assuming global warming is indeed what is happening, is:

IT'S TOO LATE!

It's too late to stop global warming!

The effects of pollution have escalated past the point of no return. The polar caps are breaking up, people! It's over! What is this we've-got-five-years crap? Five years is NOTHING in the context of the life of the earth. The earth takes millions of years just to reach over and scratch its ass. It's about to. And the dead skin that flakes off will be YOU.

I suppose we might be able to maintain a holding pattern, if everyone cooperates really hard for the rest of eternity, which everyone won't.

Any of you who let this pathetic pandering to the politically correct affect your choice of candidates deserve exactly what you get.

Ground Zero articles of interest:

Way to non-sequitur

Senate Leaders Agree to Revive Immigration Bill

(Note: Anyone who doesn't feel like registering at NY Times Online to view this link can go to bugmenot.com and get a login and password. Tell your friends about this fine service to humanity.)

Comments by Republican senators on Thursday suggested that they were feeling the heat from conservative critics of the bill, who object to provisions offering legal status. The Republican whip, Trent Lott of Mississippi, who supports the bill, said: “Talk radio is running America. We have to deal with that problem.”

No, Senator, you have to deal with that problem. For the most part, your colleagues get on just fine with the yap gang.

Just sayin'.

Cat scratch fever, dunh dunh, dunnnh...

The Drudge Report is, plainly and simply, the Internet's panic button.

I found this story there today. It links, as a great many of Drudge's headlines do, to his pillow buddy Breit Bart's site.

US scientists discover new, potentially deadly bacteria

It's related to trench fever and cat scratch disease. THe article stresses that it is especially dangerous to people with weak or suppressed immune systems. Like there's something that isn't.

I highly suspect that mutations of bacteria are found quite often. This is a case of one woman who fell ill to such a new bacteria after visiting Peru. She LIVED, for gods' sake. She's FINE. Her traveling companion didn't even get sick.

And then Drudge posts this story at the same time, with this headline, which is NOT the headline of the actual story:

Cats Invading Shelters 'Due to Global Warming'...

And since I read the other story before I saw this headline, the first picture that came to my mind was a stadium full of hurricane victims screaming in terror as cats poured through the doors with death-encrusted claws.

It only lasted for a moment before my higher brain moved it to the silly bin. But look at the trigger words. "Global warming". "Invading". "Shelters". EVERYBODY PANIC!

The story is actually talking about animal shelters being overrun because, it seems, warmer temperatures make cats hornier and they're breeding more kittens.

Oh, the horror.

The article's headline is "Adoption Group: Cat Invasion Due to Global Warming"; it includes the word "adoption", a happier meme that brings to mind actors and pop stars invading traveling to foreign countries to bring back adorable brown children. And the picture -- aww, baby kittycats!

Warm fluffiness, however, is not Drudge's métier.

The headlines, the screen crawls, the news-at-eleven blurbs plant these triggers in our minds and repeat them again and again, and we make connections. It only takes a split second for a meme to stamp your mind, and even if your first impression is disproven or discarded, that stamp remains there to be reinforced over and over.

Ground Zero articles of interest:

He asked for it, we got it...allegedly

The chairman of the Arkansas Republican Party, Dennis Milligan, thinks we could use a few more terrorist attacks.

“At the end of the day, I believe fully the president is doing the right thing, and I think all we need is some attacks on American soil like we had on [Sept. 11, 2001], and the naysayers will come around very quickly to appreciate not only the commitment for President Bush, but the sacrifice that has been made by men and women to protect this country.”

Because another terrorist attack on his watch would inspire my confidence, wouldn't it yours?

Summary article

The entire Arkansas Democrat-Gazette interview

The most interesting part is that he did not say the naysayers "would" come around. He said they "will" come around.

A slip of the tongue? Probably not; he is new to his post and They^TM haven't had time to let him in on the Grand Plan -- the latest installment of which, by the way, may be the "alleged" plot to blow up JFK Airport.

The press is being careful to use the word "alleged". Why? Since when has the press, in this post-2001 world, been so careful about trial-by-media? It's not just in the articles; it's in nearly every headline about the JFK plot. Enough so that it's drawn my attention more than the plot itself has.

And now this Milligan says "will come around" instead of "would come around".

I don't know why the two things are resonating in my mind. Any ideas? I mean, other than the plot's having been under investigation for almost a year and a half before the FBI pounced just in time for the first few presidential candidate debates?

College locked down in Albany, Oregon

Here we go...and...action!

Linn-Benton Community College was locked down this morning and then closed after a report that a man wearing a trenchcoat on campus might have guns.

MIGHT have guns.

But he didn't.

Oh, those trenchcoats. Those fashion accessories of death.

Columbine! The West Memphis Three! Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no trenchcoats, for the police are with me; their tasers and their guns they comfort me....

No. They scare us. And that's what they're supposed to do.

You may not buy into it. You may love trenchcoats as I do. But you can no longer look at someone wearing a black trenchcoat without thinking of either Columbine or The Matrix. I defy you to do so.

Ground Zero articles of interest:

WITCH HUNT

The West Memphis Three were persecuted for their taste in clothes and music six years before Columbine.


Rumors spread, accusations fly.